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Articles written by the more mysterious members of the JOE editorial team

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  • Ryan Reynolds trolls Mark Wahlberg’s daily regime with hilarious out-of-office

    Ryan Reynolds trolls Mark Wahlberg’s daily regime with hilarious out-of-office

    Reynolds recently revealed his email on American TV, but you get a hilarious response if you send him a message Banter-merchant-in-chief Ryan Reynolds has offered a hilarious response to Mark Wahlberg’s extreme workout schedule that recently went viral. In case you missed it, here’s what a typical day for Marky Mark looks like… And, not one […]

    8 years ago

  • Eminem destroys Machine Gun Kelly with brutal new diss track ‘Killshot’

    Eminem destroys Machine Gun Kelly with brutal new diss track ‘Killshot’

    If you’re gonna shoot at the king… Eminem has fired back at Machine Gun Kelly with a new diss track titled “Killshot.” The song is a response to Kelly’s “Rap Devil,” which itself was a response to Eminem’s “Not Alike” – following a feud that began after Kelly tweeted in 2012 that Em’s daughter, Hailie Jade, […]

    8 years ago

  • Terms and Conditions for eToro Tottenham Hotspur vs. Liverpool ticket giveaway

    Terms and Conditions for eToro Tottenham Hotspur vs. Liverpool ticket giveaway

    In partnership with eToro Prize details: 2x prizes to the following Premier League match; Tottenham Hotspur vs Liverpool (12:30pm on Saturday 15th September) There will be 2x winners selected. Each winner will win a pair of tickets to the match. Terms and Conditions To enter the competition, entrants needs to retweet the competition tweet/like the […]

    8 years ago

  • Protesters show up at Jacob Rees-Mogg’s house and berate him about Brexit

    Protesters show up at Jacob Rees-Mogg’s house and berate him about Brexit

    The Brexiteer has been subject to abuse in front of his children Jacob Rees-Mogg was subject to abuse whilst leaving his family home alongside his children on Tuesday. Protesters greeted the backbench Tory politician with a banner that read: “We must devastate the avenues where the wealthy live.” As well as that, people in the […]

    8 years ago

  • JD Wetherspoon set to ditch Jägerbombs due to Brexit

    JD Wetherspoon set to ditch Jägerbombs due to Brexit

    Pour one out for a lost friend In what must be a top contender for the saddest RIP of 2018 so far, Spoons has decided it will no longer sell cut-price Jägerbombs as Britain continues its course to leave the European Union. It comes as part of a move that will see the pub-chain ban […]

    8 years ago

  • Donald Trump bragged he had ‘tallest building’ in downtown Manhattan in aftermath of 9/11

    Donald Trump bragged he had ‘tallest building’ in downtown Manhattan in aftermath of 9/11

    Today was the 17th anniversary of the disaster This morning President Donald Trump marked the anniversary of the Twin Towers’ collapse in his usual succinct fashion on Twitter. 17 years since September 11th! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 11, 2018 But the Independent reports that in the aftermath of the disaster itself he behaved in […]

    8 years ago

  • Blockbuster Video is returning to the UK to celebrate the release of Deadpool 2

    Blockbuster Video is returning to the UK to celebrate the release of Deadpool 2

    Anyone who grew up in the 90s will remember taking trips to their local video store We might be spoilt for choice with Netflix on our laptops nowadays, but searching the shelves for the right movie and buying the popcorn at the till on a Friday night felt like a special treat. Popping the tape […]

    8 years ago

  • Terms and Conditions for Limited Edition Spider-Man PS4 Pro Giveaway

    Terms and Conditions for Limited Edition Spider-Man PS4 Pro Giveaway

    Entrants must be 16 years or over. The winner will need to be a resident of GB. No purchase is necessary. The winner will be selected at random from all correct entries received before the closing time. “The Prize” – A Limited Edition Spider-Man PS4 Pro No bulk, machine generated, consumer group or third party […]

    8 years ago

  • Greggs is refusing to sell Cornish pasties in Cornwall despite opening a shop there

    Greggs is refusing to sell Cornish pasties in Cornwall despite opening a shop there

    They want to avoid a ‘pasty war’ Greggs seems like it’s taken over the country recently. Having been a staple up north for years, the company has slowly advanced down south, with 130 new branches planned to be opened in the UK this year alone and its pasty joints even taking over the previously pastry-barren high […]

    8 years ago

  • Would you put your life in the hands of your Instagram followers?

    Would you put your life in the hands of your Instagram followers?

    In partnership with Lynx How much do you trust your Instagram followers… Enough to let them decide your fate for a whole 48 hours? What if they told you to abseil down the towering Table Mountain in Cape Town? Or sent you swimming with sharks (thankfully in a cage!)? That’s exactly what JOE did with […]

    8 years ago

  • Burger King are offering somebody £20,000 to taste test their new burger

    Burger King are offering somebody £20,000 to taste test their new burger

    They are going to be living the dream Some things just sound too good to be true. Anything that tastes good and purports to be healthy. Likely bullshit. Anything offering you something for free on the internet. A scam. Any young footballer hyped up to be the next Messi or Ronaldo. I’ll believe it when […]

    8 years ago

  • Quiet town wakes up to find Tour of Britain bike has been turned into huge penis

    Quiet town wakes up to find Tour of Britain bike has been turned into huge penis

    Does drawing a penis on something ever get old? Some things never get old, The Simpsons, the music of The Clash, saying “here he comes” when your mate’s walking towards you – but none of those thing, and I mean none of those things, compare to drawing a penis on something. From primary school, to secondary, […]

    8 years ago

  • ThinkMarkets terms and conditions

    ThinkMarkets terms and conditions

    ThinkMarkets Terms and Conditions Prize details: 2x ringside tickets to Amir Khan vs Samuel Vargas at the Arena Birmingham on September 8. There will be one winner selected. To enter the competition, entrants needs to retweet the tweet. The competition opens at 15:00 on 5 September 2018 and closes at 15:00 on 6 September 2018 (GMT). […]

    8 years ago

  • QUIZ: Can you name the cereal after we pixelated the label?

    QUIZ: Can you name the cereal after we pixelated the label?

    More than 10 is a good score Breakfast, we are so often told, is the most important meal of the day. The one that should set a precedent for your day ahead, put that spring in your step and just get you really fucking hyped for existence. So, with me trying to think of a […]

    8 years ago

  • Richard Hammond and wife “gassed and robbed” while holidaying in France

    Richard Hammond and wife “gassed and robbed” while holidaying in France

    The Hammond family were staying in a villa in St Tropez when the incident happened Richard Hammond’s wife Mindy has revealed that she fears the couple were gassed when on holiday in the South of France. The pair were staying in a villa in St Tropez and had hosted a 1920s-themed cocktail party the night they were burgled. […]

    8 years ago

  • Lindt have launched a chocolate hazelnut spread that is basically fancy Nutella

    Lindt have launched a chocolate hazelnut spread that is basically fancy Nutella

    Controversial opinion: Nutella is amazing It is thick, chocolatey, nutty, full of sugar, and absolutely delicious. Ok, it might not be the healthiest of foods, but it is just so good. It is amazing on toast, in crepes, or if you are feeling particularly dirty, just straight eating it out of a jar with a […]

    8 years ago

  • Hector Bellerin calls out Daily Mail article for telling lies about him

    Hector Bellerin calls out Daily Mail article for telling lies about him

    ‘People need to stop telling lies and get their facts right’ Hector Bellerin has accused a Daily Mail report of ‘telling lies’ about him. The article, which appeared in the Sport section of MailOnline on Thursday, claimed the Arsenal right-back had spent £25,000 on a painting of himself, created by artist Endless. In a tweet […]

    8 years ago

  • Ed Sheeran “confirms” he has secretly married his childhood sweetheart Cherry Seaborn

    Ed Sheeran “confirms” he has secretly married his childhood sweetheart Cherry Seaborn

    Congrats Ed, nice one It appears that Ed Sheeran has secretly got married to his fiancée Cherry Seaborn, at least judging by his response to questioning during a recent interview. The 27-year-old musician blushed and pointed at his ‘wedding ring’ after being asked when he planned to wed Seaborn whilst being interviewed by Access. Ed was […]

    8 years ago

  • Post Malone tweets important message after jet makes emergency landing

    Post Malone tweets important message after jet makes emergency landing

    A terrifying incident saw two of the plane’s tires blow out during takeoff Post Malone hit out at his haters after his private jet was forced to make an emergency landing overnight. The 23-year-0ld musician was one of 14 passengers travelling aboard a Gulfstream plane to the UK from New Jersey’s Teterboro Airport when the […]

    8 years ago

  • Gordon Ramsay sued by restaurant for disgusting Kitchen Nightmares scene

    Gordon Ramsay sued by restaurant for disgusting Kitchen Nightmares scene

    It shows him throwing up into a bin Gordon’s not a man known for mincing his words, so you can imagine he had an expletive-filled reaction to the news he is being sued by a US restaurant over an “unflattering video”. The video was taken from his Kitchen Nightmares TV programme and shows the chef complaining over […]

    8 years ago

  • Viral Messi video is so absurdly good people are calling it out as being fake

    Viral Messi video is so absurdly good people are calling it out as being fake

    Messi, am I right? There’s not much more that can be written about Messi – the master of Camp Nou, the perpetual schoolboy, the human sand-timer slowly running out. At his best, there seems nothing he cannot do on the football pitch, yet people continue to question his status as the GOAT. The latest controversy […]

    8 years ago

  • An avocado as big as your head exists and they’re calling it the Avozilla

    An avocado as big as your head exists and they’re calling it the Avozilla

    Rejoice, the reason an entire generation can’t afford a house is now available in extra, extra large size! Avocados might be the go-to vegetable for gammon to insult millennials, but in a way, Piers Morgan et al have a point about them. Because we do really, really love avocados. They are great, even if it’s […]

    8 years ago

  • Tesco are selling some big Xbox One games for as little as £3

    Tesco are selling some big Xbox One games for as little as £3

    Go and hunt these out Seeking out the reduced items is a real skill. There is an art to knowing when your local supermarket stickers up all the fresh food that is about to go out of date and puts it out at dirt cheap prices. Do it right, and you can walk out with […]

    8 years ago

  • You can now be paid to be a professional cheese eater

    You can now be paid to be a professional cheese eater

    Can it really brie? Remember all those careers advise meetings you had in school? The ones you bumbled through and didn’t know what to say, as the man opposite you – tie loose, beads of sweat on his forehead, a look of resignation in his eyes that told you this definitely wasn’t the job he […]

    8 years ago

  • Hatred of loud eating is actually a psychological condition

    Hatred of loud eating is actually a psychological condition

    Science has a name for it It turns out that there is a name for being annoyed by someone loudly eating, tapping their fingers or breathing heavily. It has been diagnosed as a psychological condition called misophonia. To find this out, researchers at Newcastle University scanned the brains of 42 people – 20 suffering from misophonia […]

    8 years ago

  • JOE writers predict how the Premier League season will play out

    JOE writers predict how the Premier League season will play out

    The new Premier League season is upon us It may feel like the World Cup only ended yesterday but it did in fact come to an end almost an entire month ago and here we are, on the cusp of a brand new Premier League season. Gone are the moments of pure, unadulterated joy that […]

    8 years ago

  • Toy Story 4 will be released in June next year and it can’t come soon enough

    Toy Story 4 will be released in June next year and it can’t come soon enough

    To infinity and beyond… We finally know when Toy Story 4 will be out in cinemas, four years after its release was announced in 2014. The date was announced by the film’s director Josh Cooley on Twitter overnight. He tweeted a picture of the number 4, adding the caption: “JUNE 21 2019”. JUNE 21 2019 […]

    8 years ago

  • Viewers left confused by hilarious Dua Lipa subtitle screw-up

    Viewers left confused by hilarious Dua Lipa subtitle screw-up

    CHIIP SHOP REMIX Look, sometimes random juxtapositions are just really funny, ok? Random shit = LOLs. So, popular singing star Dua Lipa was singing on television, and someone was watching with the subtitles on. Don’t ask why they were watching it with the subtitles on. Maybe they just wanted to know what the lyrics are. […]

    8 years ago

  • Lidl are selling the ultimate full English breakfast pan for just £12.99

    Lidl are selling the ultimate full English breakfast pan for just £12.99

    For your next killer hangover Sure, you can go to various cafes to get a full English breakfast when you need one. But really we all know the best ones are the ones you make yourself. That way you can get the sausage exactly how you want them, choose what eggs you want, and make […]

    8 years ago

  • Ant McPartlin breaks Twitter silence following drink driving conviction

    Ant McPartlin breaks Twitter silence following drink driving conviction

    He posted a message for the first time in months Ant McPartlin has taken to social media for the first time in months following his conviction for drink driving in April. He has since spent a period in rehab and last week ITV’s Chief Executive Carolyn McCall announced his return to TV. Ant has now […]

    8 years ago

  • Wetherspoons are now selling Halloumi fries for £3

    Wetherspoons are now selling Halloumi fries for £3

    The Halloumi-nati are secretly taking over the world When did Halloumi explode in the UK? It’s hard to say. One day, it was this vaguely exotic Mediterranean thing that you only got in interesting restaurants, next thing it is everywhere. It is almost as common as burgers at barbecues, and even non-vegetarians order it over chicken […]

    8 years ago

  • Argentine commentator enjoys Leeds United goal even more than Marcelo Bielsa

    Argentine commentator enjoys Leeds United goal even more than Marcelo Bielsa

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!! Leeds United looked a strong outfit in their 3-1 against Stoke City. The Potters are favourites to bounce back to the Premier League following their relegation last season, but the Elland Road atmosphere and Marcelo Bielsa’s magic was too much for them as they suffered defeat in their opening game of the season. The […]

    8 years ago

  • Leeds United fans have their minds blown by the first goal of the Marcelo Bielsa revolution

    Leeds United fans have their minds blown by the first goal of the Marcelo Bielsa revolution

    The Bielsalution is well and truly underway They might not quite be the team of two decades ago, but Leeds United got off to a flying start against Stoke City in their televised Championship opener. Mateusz Klich’s first goal of the match at Elland Road showcased the fluid, high-pressing style that new manager Marcelo Bielsa’s teams are renown […]

    8 years ago